The Message Forum is an ongoing dialogue among classmates. The goal is to encourage friendly interaction, including interaction among classmates who really didn't know each other. Experience on the site has revealed that certain topics tend to cause friction and hard feelings, especially politics and religion. 

Although politics and religion are not completely off-limits, classmates are asked to be positive in their posts and not to be too repetitive or allow a dialog to degenerate into an argument. 

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David Cordell

Karen, I sent the following as an email announcement to all website subscribers a couple of days ago. It wasn't in the Message Forum. Sandra has already created an "In Memoriam" page for Mike that has more information.

I am very sad to announce the passing of two of our classmates in the past few days.

Those of you who follow the Message Forum know that Cy Stockhoff passed away on May 15 in New Mexico. There is already some information with remembrances posted on the "In Memoriam: Fallen Eagles" page for Cy. You may recall that Cy's twin sister Sue died almost twenty years ago.

I just learned that Mike Nahkunst passed away on May 16 in Austin, apparently as a result of heart and kidney issues. Mike was a groomsman in my wedding and we were apartment mates for a year in college. Mike was cremated, and I understand that there will be a memorial service in June.

Especially in our phase of life, when we meet with old friends we never know if that will be the last time we see them in this life. Life is so tenuous.

Sandra Spieker (Ringo)

Bucky,

Your post also gave me a great deal to think about.  I look at those around me and hope I have have them in my life as long as possible, however,  I wouldn't want them to linger if it caused them great pain, or suffering. Just this month, our family made two grave decisions concerning our loving pets.  We put down a beautiful, loving intelligent German Shepherd at age 7 due to an agressive cancer.  This was causing him pain and changing his personality.  We also put down my mom's cat, due to advanced kidney failure and age.  I can't imagine having a discussion about a person, a human family member,  like we have had to do with these animals.  My niece, my sister's daughter is suffering from a very painful and aggressive form of cancer at age 32.  She lives in Holland, where if she wants she can end her own life, painless and quick, yet at this writing she continues to fight for whatever she has left.  What will she and her family decide to do?

I think about Stephen Hawking, the man hasn't been able to speak, move, swallow or much of anything for decades but think.  His mind is his universe.  He travels in outerspace, moves through complex equations and writes volumes slowly and painfully about his theories.  This is his drive, his passion.  He prevails, and continues to contribute.  As a I understand he is not always cheerful about this, but he still stays alive.  Is there some lesson to be learned here?  I want to believe that.  Attitude is everything. 

My father, who died at age 92, at home, peacefully in his sleep, gripped about old age beginning in his 50's.  It was a bit like the kid who cried, "wolf" after a while.  We all got sick of the complaining. In fact, it was so much that when the end came, it was not expected.  We just thought it was the usual stuff.   I learned a hard lesson from this: If you want to maintain close friends, decent conversation with family, and strangers, spare them the details of your woes (most of them) and find something positive to say once in a while.  Oh, saying you are having a hard day, or getting through a rough patch is understandable and everyone needs some sympathy sometime, I have nothing against that.  Just hearing someone rant about themselves all the time can get to be a bit much.  Loneliness is the curse of old age, and possibly worse than pain alone.

So, leaving on a positive note, live long, prosper and find something nice and positive to say once a day and last but certainly not least,  tell those you love that you love them every day, that never gets old.

Tom Grimes

I should say that my 107 year old aunt was actually my great-aunt. My non-great aunts and uncles are still up and walking around, but are in the normal life-span age range. We'll see in a decade or two if they still are and thereby fall into that Methuselah category.

Cheers

Don Chester

Interesting posts and some sad news.

My life has mostly been a lot of non stop work with little travel or time for social events.  

However I am thankful that I have touched  a lot of lives and have matured and mellowed with age.

One thing I have experienced is the observation of thousands of people as they age.

i see Lance's point about the lack of community but quite frankly I believe a lot of the issues have to do  with the fact we are living much longer  with the ensuing geriatric problems of fragility , multiple organ issues, and the worst problem of all! chronic progressive neurologic disorders.  

Years ago people died from these or other disorders long before they reached these stages of old age.

Having cared for many an aged person and having watched the cycle of frailty devour my father and now my mother I do have some thoughts.

1  No one individual will be able to care for an aged person once they lose their cognitive skills and or their physical abilities.  It takes skilled nursing and or ancillary help to deal with those issues

2 enjoy your life while you can.  The number that I see most frequently is 80.  If you stay active physically and socially and intellectually , stay thin,exercise, drink in moderation or not at all, don't smoke and stay connected to friends in family, most folks will do well until 80.  After 80 it gets very tough, some folks continue to live robust and vibrant lives after 80 but they are the exception.  Most of us aren't that far from 80 at this point in our lives, so enjoy it while you can and of course you never truly know when your time my be up.

I am hoping to retire in a few years and then do the traveling and other adventures I have missed up until now.

One  other random thought. I don't buy the Indian family going back to India due to lack of community.  People are people everywhere and all you have to do to have friends is to be a friend.  I suspect they didn't like the culture here, too different from India for them.  Hey thats ok, but the lack of community is just nonsense.  You just have to look and be involved and there is plenty of connection and community out there.

Tom Grimes

Don,

I can't retire: I wouldn't have the vaguest notion of what to do if I quit being a university professor and a broadcaster (I'm about to start a new TV series in the fall). I don't know what retired people do. The thought of not having a job, some sort of obligation I have to meet every day, is unfathomable. Now, there are certain jobs that aren't challenging. An administrative assistant to an academic dean, very patiently and kindly, sat me down one day and explained to me that her job was not challenging, was basically drudgery, and that retirement, for her, would be liberating. Anything she would do on her own would be better than being lashed to a desk in an office doing clerical work. I can understand that. But I don't have that kind of job and could not, on my own, recreate in retirement the challenge of the job I have now. That being the case, I can't quit this job because the alternative would mean oblivion. Irrespective of the amount of money I have available in retirement. That money is just so many pieces of Crane & Co. paper (http://www.crane.com/about-us/crane-currency). I might as well light cigars with it. It doesn't mean anything to me.

The terror, for me, is living too long, becoming incapacitated like my nonagenarian and centenarian relatives, and therefore being unable to work, to define myself, to renew myself, to create a new identity. Forced retirement, in other words. Forced imprisonment in a non-functionig body that won't die but won't allow me to work. I just got through translating an essay by a French philosopher that a colleague and I are using for a manuscript we're submitting to a journal. The philosopher, Jean-Paul Sartre, (whom I had the privilege of meeting when I was a student for a year at the University of Paris) argues that one's identity is achieved through action. "In situ," as he puts it. (Different, of course, from the in situ physicians are familiar with.) Well, if your arse is lashed to a sofa or bed because your body has worn out, then the in situ part of the equation won't work and you lose your humanity, your personhood, your ability to define yourself, at least according to this French philosohper's view of things. A view of things I pretty much share. 

The manuscript my colleague and I are working on has caused me to think through this a lot and with some degree of intensity. So, on one end of the specrtum, I'm dealing with Sartre's view of identity, of being-through-action by virtue of being in situ. On the other end, I'm looking at my recently departed great aunt and the other old horrors in my family who are slowly coming to a stand-still because nothing works but their minds. And I wonder....

OK, enough.

Cheers! 

Don Chester

Bucky, I get it.  My problem is a lack of balance in my life.  The demands of solo practice have robbed me of much personal life.  I haven't taken a week out of my office in over 6 years.  Reading these posts is fascinating for me, in you last post you mentioned being at University in Paris.  I have never been to Paris.  I have never been to Europe save a trip for 5 days to check on my daughters as they toured Europe via Europass and hostels, and that was 14 years ago and in Spain.   I take 2 long weekends a yr as my vacations and that is it.  The demands of the practice and the economic downturn of medicine have made me a slave to the office and the patients needs.  It's not fun.  The freedom to get up in the morning, workout, go  work in the yard, go to the golf course, be involved in charity and volunteer work all has great appeal to me.

The freedom to travel and do things many take for granted is appealing. I have never been to New York or to Washington DC, I would like to do that.  I have never seen Canada , Alaska, or Australia.  All are places I would like to go to.   I may work in a different capacity such as a Hospitalist or consultant, but I am comfortable that I have contributed  my share to the world, I would like to live where the meaning of my life is not the work that I do.  It's time for me to take a breath and enjoy life a little.

Tom Grimes

Don,

I went to graduate school in New York City. You don't want to go. Take my advice. (Just kidding...sort of....)

Marsha Brown (Johnson)

Dear Don, Take it from an old classmate. You have got to start doing somethings in this world for your own good!!! My brother was in his mid 50's when he started having strokes, etc. He's 68 years old now and lives in a group home, etc. Life is very short and we all have to stop and smell the roses. Just a word from one who has been through it all!!. Life isn't all about work. I'll get off my soapbox now. Have a blessed weekend. 

Karlan Fairchild

In response to Lance, Tommy and Don, I'm struck by the fact that many of the the topics discussed on this forum have dealt with various and sundry forms of aging and how we grapple with getting older.  And what I saw screaming through the lines of several of the posts is how difficult it is to deal with role-reversal as we are tasked with the responsibility of fulfilling the role of primary caregiver for our aging parents, if we're still fortunate enought to have them around.  In my vocation as a hospice chaplain, this is something that I encounter virtually on a daily basis as I interact with family members of patients who were admitted to our hospice.  And it's often one of the complicating factors that's mixed-into the grieving process that accompanies making such a decision regarding palliative, end-of-life care for a loved one.  The use of Advance Directives, both in the form of a Medical Power-of-Attorney and a Directive to Physicians, with the accompanying Out-of-Hospital Do-Not-Resucitate Order (or DNR), is one of the best actions that anyone can take in advance in order to help to make that particular transition as seemless as possible for the caregivers involved in the decision-making process.  In fact, I've become quite an advocate for these legal documents via a presentation that I've developed with one of my colleagues and which are given in and at various church venues.

I'm sitting here in my office on this glorious late-Spring morning grappling with my grief associated with the death of Denise Bullard Fairchild, my brother Larry's wife.  She died at 1912 yesterday after a long and valiant battle with small-cell lung cancer.  Quite obviously, it's much more difficult dealing with the death of another human when that particular human was very close to me emotionally.  I find it helpful to read the comments made by the three above-mentioned men as that's helping me to process my feeling at the moment.  And, at the risk of being trite, it's one more glaring example/illustration to me that it's necessary to be grateful for each and every day with which we're blessed to be on the green-side-of-the-grass.  Take advantage of every opportunity to tell your loved ones that you love them; don't procrastinate and think you'll get around to it later because there might not be any "later" for any of us.

Debbie Mabry

I loved this.  Thank you.

Marsha Brown (Johnson)

Dear Karlan, Thank you for your kind words. After going through all I've been through, life is too short to continuing to work, make money and then to miss out on 'life'. I did some volunteer chaplaincy at MC-McKinney for 12 years and I loved it!!! I'd still be doing it if I wasn't on a new chemo and have to watch out as I have family I love spending time with and just have to take care of myself. I just wanted to say thank you for your awesome work!!  

Karlan Fairchild

Thanks, Tommy, I really appreciate it.  I'm glad to learn that you and your family have taken advantage of hospice.  It's a vocation/calling that was the reason I went to Brite Divinity School in the first place, despite being 50 years old when I started.  And, thanks again, for the remarks about Denise.  She was a treasure.

And Marsha, I also appreciate your comments.  It's an amazing privilege to have the luxury of being allowed entrance into such a sacred moment in someone's life when they're actively dying.  I feel like Moses and want to remove my shoes/sandals because I'm standing on sacred ground.

Blessings to each of you.

David Cordell

Lance, I heard about the McRaven commencement speech from my sister and my associate dean, both of whom attended, and found it on youtube. It's about 19 minutes long, but 744,000 people have watched it already. Worth the time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70

David Cordell

Karlan, 

I was very sorry to read about Denise. When I spoke with Larry at Martha Mize's house last year, I was struck by his strength in facing her challenge, especially in light of his own health issues. Please pass along my condolences. I am very sorry for his loss, and yours.

Marsha Brown (Johnson)

Karlan, I like you both have had that priveledge many times to share with families. Being a hospital chaplain is a great calling for me. As a nurse, I also had the knowledge about their family member and could know what was happening in the ER and the ICU both. I worked in pediatrics for many years, so with children, it was easier also but I could ONLY do it with Jesus' help. He knew why I was being paged and He prepared me as I drove to the hospital.  We need to visit personally, as I'm sure many won't understand our callings.  I have been seeing a few of the hospice chaplains attending to my brother's fellow residents. Where do you live? I'd LOVE to have your email also. Mine is born4thesecondtime@gmail.com. I hope you all have an awesome day today and a very blessed Memorial Day.  Thank you so much to my fellow classmates who actively served in our military and to the families of those that we've lost, they are never forgotten!!!

Karlan Fairchild

Marsha,

You can contact me at linkar@flash.net at anytime.  I look forward to visiting with you.

Blessings,

K.

Don Chester

I have been involved with hospice multiple times professionally and once personally as my father was dying over six years ago.

My opinion, they are angels of mercy.

Marsha Brown (Johnson)

Amen Don. We used hospice for my in-laws and I'm so glad that they were there. Karlan, I will be getting with you on email when I can.

Tom Grimes

Hi,

Here's what Mike Nahkunst and I were corresponding about shortly before Mike's death:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/26/politics/hensarling-boehner-conservatives-alternative/index.html

Jeb Hensarling is Mike's brother-in-law. As you can see from this CNN story, Hensarling may run against John Boehner for US Speaker of the House.

Russ Stovall

Karlan I am deeply sorry to hear of Denise's passing.  My deepest condolences.  Please pass on to Larry our condolences.  We will keep all of you in our prayers.

Russ and Janice

Tom Grimes

I admit it: I don't have any recollection of a Mrs. Alsup. And she's getting a lot of play on this site. (Sounds like a nice person, though.) Am I already sinking into dementia? (Stupid question, huh?) A lot of people know who she is and have detailed memories of her. But, wow, she just went right past me apparently. At 85 mph, in fact. What's worse, my copy of the annual doesn't have any reference to her. So I can't look her up. 

If the answer is obvious, just send me a private e-mail (with eye-rolls included) and let me in on who she is and where she taught: grimes@txstate.edu. No need to belabor the point here...in public...where everyone else obviously knows what's going on. (And, while you're at it, who is this Cordell character? He's getting a lot of pixels as well....)

Sandra Spieker (Ringo)

I just learned through a Facebook page (Remember in Richardson When) that an icon of  Richardson passed away yesterday, Paula Stringer.  For those of you who cannot remember her, she was one the pioneers of women who started their own business and a name for themselves in Real Estate.  Her signs were everywhere in town.  I did a quick search and there are still Real Estate agencies who bear her name.  My parents knew her and her husband, who was a doctor.  Mrs. Stringer and my mother are very close to the same age, Paula Stringer was 89 and my mom just turned 88.  Mom remembers doing her hair a few times. I also remember she had a daughter named Kay, who graduated from RHS before us.  Rest in peace Mrs. Stringer.

Linda Longacre (Sullivan)

Jeanne Alsup taught two sections of Junior Honors English.  I think her other classes were Senior English - NOT HONORS - Mrs. Gann got those (eyeroll in the yearbook!)  

Marsha Brown (Johnson)

Dear Holly, I love you sweet friend!!! I was in a boat accident once so I don't think I want to go out on that kind of a note. I am also afraid a shark would take a bite of my chemo laiden body and spit me out and then it would be forever before I went on to be with Jesus!! I know Jesus has the PERFECT plan for my exit-hope it's the rapture cause I really don't want to leave my family behind and go first. But whatever it is He has planned, I KNOW it's the BEST plan for me. He just doesn't consult me on those matters-Father knows best!!! You are so right about 'the playing field' being there isn't a President, Vice-President, etc. Just people. Some more prosperous that others, others have had more exciting lives than mine however I'm happy with what and who I am and then things that I've been allowed to do, the people I've been involved with in so many ways from friends to chaplain to family to strangers, etc. I've been so truly blessed in all the many ways and I hope my wisdom (grey hairs is what the Bible calls one with wisdom) can be imparted to those that seek this wisdom. Not financial wisdom or other wisdom but just wisdom on what's right and what's wrong and what we can do with what we have. Again, I'm so truly blessed.  I had a wonderful visit with Patti Watson's mom yesterday. She is such an awesome woman!!! She really wants to come to the Fallen Eagle Memorial and she is so glad we are having it. I have to decide whether or not to speak because I know all I have to do is look at this brave woman and I'll cry!! I love her so much.  She is a Godly woman and will be expecting me to be Godly also. I hope I can live up to her expectations of me.   Good night everyone!!!

Tom Grimes

Of the teachers I had at RHS, the ones I'd like to have as faculty colleagues today are: Bea Young, Marilyn Ward, Abe Spanger's wife Onita (a Jr. Hi English teacher, but I'll list her here anyway), Betty Day (listed as Betty Cox in the annual), Ruth Gray, and Hull Barbee...a student, but the Hull Barbee I knew would have made a great faculty colleague. 

All those RHS teachers were as close to deep thinkers as you're likely to get in high school. All very serious and reflective people. I had some great times with Betty Day, for instance. And for that matter, Onita Spangler, who I remember as having a nicely honed mind. Very, very sharp person. (Come to think of it, her colleague Phyllis Payne, another Jr. Hi English teacher, was damned smart as well.)

As for Hull Barbee, he epitomized the notion of cool to me. Irreverent, funny, smart as a whip, and -- as I remember him -- a person of impeccable taste in terms of the cultural icons he would reference and his general knowedge of what was hip at the time. Hull was the first person to bring to my attention the 1966 movie Un homme et une femme (A Man and a Woman) and that great musical score by the same name by Francis Lai (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UYTLIdjSyc) If I recall correctly, and I could very well be wrong, Hull and some other Eagle Band members would get together shortly before band class and do impromptu renditions of current popular hits, among them Un homme et une femme. Hull had a biting wit, sometimes directed at me. But he was so funny, and right on target, I was glad to be the foil. Funny people with stylish taste are pleasant to have two doors down the hall....