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Tom Grimes
To all:
Take this into account. An aunt of mine just died at age 107. My maternal grandmother died at 101. My maternal grandfather at 100. And I could go on. With fewer centenarians on my dad's side, more on my mother's. But a lot of centenarians nonetheless. My point: Each one of those people was miserable. Well, "miserable" is too mild a word. Each has/had a gun, stash of pills, razors..whatever given what they consider to be the family curse. Only one of them had the courage to do it...Uncle Jess who shot himself in the chest as he was nearing his 100th birthday. Like the British actor George Sanders, he left a note saying he did it because he was bored and had had enough. The rest, just as bored and frustrated with old age, chickened out and couldn't end their lives. So they all toe-tapped, waiting for the event that kills most of our famiy members, general organ failure.
Consider again my 107 year old aunt who died last October. Absolutely clear of mind. You would have thought you were talking to someone our age or even younger. But she was a person who had lost all control of her body. She couldn't see, she could barely hear. Of course, she couldn't walk. She couldn't feed herself. She couldn't travel, across the room much less anywhere else. But the worst of it was she couldn't go to the bathroom by herself. Strange men had to wipe her butt, change her diapers, bathe her, dress her. Every day for her was fraught with crushing humiliations, deep embarrassment, gross violations of privacy and modesty. And her retirement money had long since run out so she was a family charity case, which may have been the most embarrassing thing of all for her.
My point is that longevity can be a horror. My fear, given my family history, is that of ending up like my aunt, my uncles, my grandparents, my parents. The "lucky" ones are the few who died in their 70s and 80s. This is an interesting question for Cordell who specializes in retirement planning as an academic focus. How much retirement savings is enough for someone who may very well edge toward 110? And then what would they do with that money? Hire men to bathe them, feed them, take them to the toilet?
Mike's demise is sad. To die in one's 80s is qualitatively different than dying at 63. But then dying at 101 or 105, or 107 is qualitatively different yet again. I knew Mike well in high school and have recently been corresponding with him about his famous brother-in-law. I had no idea he was on the precipice. He never let on that he was. Anyway, there does come a time when old age, if you live long enough, begets anger, humiliation, penury, and the cry, "Enough already!" In other words, there is another side to the story.
Gob bless Mike. In his case, I wish he had had a bit more time. Too early an expiration.
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