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Batch Of Classified Documents Found On Walmart Clearance Shelf

Jan 23, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

SMYRNA, DE — Biden is once again embroiled in scandal after yet another box of his classified documents was found on the clearance shelf of a local Walmart.

The top secret documents were seen next to a $1 clearance bin filled with DVDs of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's documentary on the Green New Deal.

"The investigation into President Biden's misplacement of classified documents has reached a tipping point in which our agency is unable to cover for him by blaming Trump," said FBI spokesman Herf Derfler while agents hauled off boxes of classified documents from the location.

"We're poring over security footage," continued Derfler, "While we cannot divulge much, we are seeing video evidence that Hunter Biden frequented this location to make random purchases of pseudoephedrine, ether, paint thinner, ammonia, drain cleaner, and batteries. Totally random buys."

At publishing time, President Biden had made a visit to the local Walmart to assure citizens that the investigation of classified documents was over, then donned a Walmart vest and began greeting customers entering the store.

01/24/23 04:06 PM

#26727

Janalu Jeanes (Parchman)

David W.,

WHen liberals say that abortion is women's healthcare, they are using word trickery, of sorts. They associate abortion as giving heathcare to women, when actually, they are allowing abortion to be offered, legally, to women. They are saying that caring for a woman's health needs to include abortion, rather than telling women to be responsible and choose to NOT NEED ABORTION by either abstaining, or using birth control methods. They ignore religious tenets completely; too negative and restrictive. They think that women should behave however they choose and have abortion as a means for elimination of an unwanted pregnancy, and call that healthcare. They say women will go to awful places to have abortions and risk death, so abortions HAVE TO BE INCLUDED in a woman's heathcare plan. They know it is a lie. But they want you and I to pay for the service of killing. In instances of rape, incest, or a woman's dire health issues, which are rare, we have had, in the past, allowances for those particular instances.

Biden is a good Catholic?

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

These are my opinions, not necessarily humble at all.

01/24/23 05:28 PM

#26728

David C,

I said it about Dez Bryant and now I'll say it about Dak Prescott: He will NEVER be a champion.

We need a new QB. We need a new head coach. We need a new general manager.

And what was that final play with Zeke the sole interior lineman, i.e., the center and ineligible for a pass as he hiked it to Dak - everybody else lined up not far from the sidelines on the 2 sides?!??!!?! What IMBECILE came up with that ABSURD play?!?!?!

Like I said before the season, despite the really GREAT roster for the Boys (last year's was also excellent on paper), the best they can expect is 1 victory in the playoffs and then will follow elimination. And that's the best for ANY season under Jerry Jones until we act on our 3 needs I just listed - ROTSA RUCK on that last one - the general manager. I just wish we could get Sean Payton for our new head coach but Jerry's not smart enough to figure out that Mike McCarthy is, in my estimation, no better than mediocre Jason Garrett. Too bad our excellent defensive coordinator will likely be a head coach somewhere else next year. I think the Cowboys lose 2-4 games every year that they could have or should have won if they had an excellent coach and general manager.

Jerry gave lucrative contracts to Jaylon Smith, Zeke Elliott and Dak Prescott. I wouldn't have given contracts like that to ANY of those 3, whereas I think I might to Pollard (hope he'll be back next year and as good as he was this year).

01/24/23 07:24 PM

#26729

Jim B.

I share your frustration. Very disappointing. On the positive side, the 'Boys were in the last eight of thirty-two teams, and they were in the game even after losing the explosive Tony Pollard.

Here is a very cool flyover at a Chiefs game.

01/24/23 07:31 PM

#26730

Marty Fulton

Jim, you are missing the point. Once T Aikman retired, due mainly to multiple concussions (thanks, Buddy Ryan), Jerry Jones decided that winning wasn't the point. Making money off the name 'Americas Team' was. I used to think the media made up that name, but since Jerry never objected to it, I can only wonder. So, once a team, or it's owner, loses motivation - the result is predictable.

Dak lost the game because he got blitzed and didn't have an answer for it. I heard McCarthy was calling the plays (on the internet). That's nonsense. Kellen Moore blew it, which is why he is interviewing for the HC job for the Panthers.

Make yourself happy watching replays of the last 3 Super Bowls the Cowboys won. That's what Lowell does....

01/24/23 08:00 PM

#26731

Marty,

I do believe the BIGGEST problem with the Cowboys is the general manager. Those 3 contracts were inexcusable. And Jerry will never fire himself and get a real general manager. Whatever his motivation, he's not as brilliant as he sees himself. Like his son said, "Nothing will change around here until Jerry Jones has a toe tag".

01/24/23 08:05 PM

#26732

Lowell Tuttle

Without play action, they could not find anyone open. The running game is what allowed them to have open targets against TB. It was not as easy against SF. I felt they should have run a bit more after Pollard went out. Any success at running would have opened some receivers. Note the first play of the game for Dallas that went well. T Y Hilton. He should have been in all along.

01/24/23 08:47 PM

#26733

Lowell,

All your Cowboys comments confirm in my mind that we need a new head coach. Also I won't be sorry if our play caller Kellen Moore leaves either. Can you imagine what Bill Belichick could have done with last year's or this year's roster? And I agree that T.Y. Hilton should have been involved more in the game.

01/25/23 01:50 PM

#26734

Tennessee is the mother of Texas. We have never discovered who the father was.
— Tex Ritter, country musician

01/25/23 03:31 PM

#26735

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B097D22ZKM/ref=pe_3083530_696290640_em_1p_0_lm

Has anyone tried a video capture card to record streaming programs onto a hard drive or thumb drive? I want to record content streamed through my Roku. There are cheap versions available, but I don't know if they would do the trick. Here's one. Thanks.

01/26/23 02:04 AM

#26736

Janalu Jeanes (Parchman)

Seve,

Wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday! I thought it was coming up, but I must have missed it.....Hope it was a good one for you!

01/26/23 07:08 AM

#26737

You didn't miss it, Janalu. It's tomorrow.

Steve, let me be the second to wish you Happy Birthday -- tomorrow.

01/26/23 08:59 AM

#26738

Steve,

Happy birthday.

01/26/23 09:56 AM

#26739

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=328920621737049&extid=CL-UNK-UNK-UNK-IOS_GK0T-GK1C&mibextid=2Rb1fB&ref=sharing

Cool dance compilation.

01/26/23 11:14 AM

#26740

Lowell Tuttle

David...that was entertaining...

01/26/23 12:17 PM

#26741

Jerry May

"Same ole' same ole"........the Cowboys! Jones thinks he can will us a Super Bowl. And he has spent plenty of money in doing so! He won't learn, nor is he willing to admit he's wrong in his approach to hire a GM. We should have figured that out some......34 odd years ago when in buying the team his early words were " I intend to be in charge of the jocks and socks......" Sounded like and is the epitome of "micro-management"! Yes, I agree with all above he should fire the GM and hire another.

But Jones wouldn't do that any more than can the coach and become one himself! Yes, I believe he is a frustrated head coach! ( the last to do that I believe was George Halas; but decades ago!) All a dream!!

And we're dreaming if we fall into that trap! No wholesale changes will be made until he's wearing a " toe-tag" as one of you pointed out.

And as for Dak Prescott, I really like him...... but he is not a 40 million dollar quarterback! At 30 (by the time the Cowboys line up again in '23 we'll have QB who counts a ton against the cap) He still can not go through his progression of reads in 2.5 seconds! In the Tampa Bay game he was looking at one or two, and then would "take off" And he had good success with it (scored 1 TD) Great game, but our QB led the NFL in interceptions...this year! (15)

So, we also have a "stutter stepping" Elliot who will probably be "trade-prohibitive" because of the cap-hit, and the unknown of Tony Pollard (with the high ankle sprain and broken fibula) so Zeke will stay, IMHO.

So, as Troy Aikman aptly put it..... years ago "You have to progress quickly to a championship team, because the window closes sooner than one thinks"

Now there's a guy who could be GM! Naw, I'm dreaming again! He knows Jones and would not even entertain such position unless he had complete control!~j

01/26/23 01:22 PM

#26742

Jerry,

AMEN, brother about the Cowboys!!!

Yes, our primary pressing need is for a REAL GM, something Jerry will NEVER do as you point out so well.

So the following things don't matter: our roster strength, coaches, strength of opposition, etc. ad nauseum. The best we can EVER expect, with our Super-Bowl-quality roster from this year and last year, IMHO (even with Dak - after all, even Trent Dilfer was a QB on a Super Bowl winner), is this year's result; i.e, the under-performing 1-playoff-game victory only - most years it won't be that good an ending, as we've experienced the last 27 seasons and counting with no NFC championship game appearance. We haven't won a SECOND playoff game in any season since Barry Switzer, the namesake for Switzerland, was our head coach. Thanks, Jerry, as always, you #$#^!$#@#$#$%#%#$%#$% idiot, for the now-perpetual under-performance of our home team.........

And I still wish we had Sean Payton rather than Mike McCarthy. But Jerry has now fired 6 assistant coaches so we're stuck for another year at least with the fat guy as head coach and the dunderhead as GM.

01/26/23 01:47 PM

#26743

David,

About dancing this is James Cagney showing how to dance down a stariway. My late wife told me is is very difficult. From "Yankee Doodle Dandy"

Here is the entire finale

01/26/23 01:48 PM

#26744

Steve Keene

Thanks for the Birthday wishes. Someone asked my grandson when his birthday was. He said "January 17th.! "They said. "What year?" He looked at them funny and said, "Every year."

01/26/23 03:31 PM

#26745

Chief Old One (beyond his years due to past family debt),

I know this may sound VERY insincere, but also HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! YEE HAW!!!!

Chief Agonizer

01/26/23 05:46 PM

#26746

Jerry May

Yeah,

Happy Birthday Steve! But is it today or tomorrow? Guess it doesn't matter too much, though each day is a blessing!

May your Birthday be blessed and hope you have fun!~j

01/26/23 06:30 PM

#26747

Steve,

Go to Wai-mart and et you a bottle of sparlkling grape juice and pop the cap and have a dhppy birthday.

01/26/23 08:43 PM

#26748

https://nypost.com/2023/01/16/sf-reparations-panel-proposes-5m-lump-sum-payment-to-eligible-residents/

I was thinking of moving to San Francisco and declaring that I identify as a descendant of an enslaved person, but it seems that there will be a residency requirement. I'm not sure if they will accept a contention that I identify as having moved to San Francisco in 1996.

Read the article. THIS IS CRAZY!!!

01/27/23 11:31 AM

#26749