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Welcome to the Richardson High School Message Forum.

The Message Forum is an ongoing dialogue among classmates. The goal is to encourage friendly interaction, including interaction among classmates who really didn't know each other. Experience on the site has revealed that certain topics tend to cause friction and hard feelings, especially politics and religion. 

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12/14/20 10:27 AM #19638    

 

Bob Davidson

To those of you with earned doctorates (and those with opinions):

I got told off pretty strongly on a Facebook attorney's page for suggesting that you don't refer to someone with an Ed.D. as "doctor" anywhere but in certain academic settings.  According to the other commentators, apparently when she has an Ed.D., that means it is rude and sexist to not refer to her as "Dr. Jill Biden."  If I met her at the community college where she teaches or an academic conference, I would address her as "Dr. Biden"; otherwise, she is "Ms Biden."  (Out of politeness, I certainly would refrain from terms like "Lady Macbeth," "the manipulator behind that senile fool who stole the election," or other such terms of endearment.)

A number of people thought I was putting her down for not having a Ph.D. and defended the Ed.D. as a legimate doctorate.  I never made that assertion, although I do think of an Ed.D. as a sort of "doctorate light" for low end bright people, but I would say the same thing about the title doctor for a Ph. D.

Seriously, I've always thought that one referred to such people as "doctor" within academia, but in regular social or other settings as Mr. or Ms so-and-so.  Miss Manners way back when agreed with me -- except that she thought that you didn't use the term "doctor" to people who are not physicians in academia because it is just assumed that every faculty member has such a decree.  Have things changed or is it just more in your face liberal politics?


12/14/20 12:59 PM #19639    

 

David Cordell

Bob D.,

First, I chuckled at Lady Macbeth.

Most PhDs consider the EdD to be a lower level degree. It isn't snobbery. It's just that admission standards and dissertation expectations are typically different. 

I consider the MD to be a professional degree, and the PhD to be an academic research degree. As far as I know, MD candidates are not required to do research, in contrast to PhD candidates. I don't have any statistics on this, but I am pretty sure that a lot more PhD candidates than MD candidates don't complete their degrees. Part of that might be that some PhD candidates get discouraged and determine that their job prospects are grim, especially in the humanities and social sciences. MDs don't have that issue.

I left UT and took a job at LSU while I was ABD -- all but dissertation. It took me 18 months to finish, and that occurred only after LSU told me that I would no longer be employed if I didn't finish before the next semester.

There are lots of ABDs floating around.You may know that PhD students typically have to take "prliminary" exam before they start the program to determine what their coursework should be. You probably know that , after completing their coursework, PhD students have to pass comprehensive written exams covering the coursework in their major and, in my case, two minor courses (Economics and Statistics). Then there is the scary oral exam in which five or more professors on your committee pick at your comprehensive written exam answers and ask other questions that they can't answer themselves. Then there is coming up with a dissertation topic and doing enough preliminary research to present it to your committee. They grill you. If approved you then  trudge through the dissertation, knowing that when you "finish" you will have a dissertation defense at which your committee holds the word of Damocles over your head. 

I never expect "civilians" to call me "doctor", possibly because that was my PhD father's approach. But I know that some people would call my father doctor. He was a research geologist, beginning as a professor and ending up in industry.  I was just on the phone with TIAA-CREF, which caters to professors, and the representative, who had access to my information, called me doctor.

PhDs can be professors and professors can be PhDs and almost always are PhDs, except maybe in colleges of education. There are exceptions. I mentioned Elspeth Rostow, who did not have a PhD.

Back to the "doctor" thing -- 

When we lived in Clear Lake, a man was walking past my house while I was in the front yard, and I introduced myself as David Cordell. He introduced himself as "Dr. Greytok". He lived several doors from us on the other side of the street. At a neighborhood party shortly thereafter. Dr. Greytok was there, along with several astronauts who lived in the neighborhood. One man I met there was a very unassuming fellow named Sonny Carter. Turned out that Sonny, who lived three doors from us, had been a professional soccer player, was a Naval officer, MD (flight surgeon), test pilot, and astronaut.

It was interesting to see how one's status drops when someone like Sonny Carter enters the room. Sonny had been on shuttle flight STS-33, along with Kathryn Cordell Thornton, whom I have mentioned before and who also lived in our neighborhood.

Sonny Carter was killed on the same flight on which Senator John Tower was killed in 1991.

The night of Sonny's death, I took some food to their house - a neighborly thing to do. There were lots of cars parked in front of the house and down the block. I was greeted at the door by someone who could have been a bouncer  at a bar and who barely opened the door, asking who I was before allowing me in. There were lots of astronauts and astronaut spouses inside, offering support to Sonny's widow Dana (who was absolutely beautiful). They allowed me in, but they were very careful not to allow members of the press even to get past the sidewalk. It was very interesting to see how they closed ranks to protect their own.


12/14/20 03:52 PM #19640    

 

Bob Davidson

David,

I meant no disrespect toward those who have earned academic doctorates.  I was a little surprised when a comment I considered innocuous evoked such extreme reactions on the other forum.  Lance, as usual, had his finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist: somehow it's political to apply normal standards of behavior to the Bidens.  People seem to be projecting an awful lot into politicians now, expecially progressives -- my guess is that they replaced traditional religion with the worship of political idols.

I also suspect that a community college instructor married to a guy nicknamed "Slow Joe" in the Senate, a body with Mazie whatever-her-name-is and Richard Blumenthal as members, has a chip on her shoulder about being just as smart as you wiseacres who make fun of her husband and went to your fancy four-year colleges.  Remember, he's the guy who lied, lied, lied about his academic achievements:  law school class standing, scholarships, degrees, honors, schools attended, his plagairism problems, etc. I'd call it people of ordinary intellect in postions of power who want to be smart.

I was friends with the FDIC staff attorney who actually put together FIRREA, the Financial Institutions Reform, Recovery, and Enforcement Act, back in 1989 -- note the Oxford comma.  We worked together a lot because I was the closing attorney on the first bank in the country to be closed under the Act -- First State Bank of Liberty.  He and I had to figure out what to do to apply the new law to an actual bank closing.  One of the thing he told me that impressed me was that he was absolutely bumfuzzled by just how amazingly dumb most members of Congress were when he had to explain that law to them.  He said that he didn't think that there was a single Democrat in either house who understood or cared what banks do, why they fail, or how they make money, and not that many Republicans. He described them as extremely cunning and manipulative blockheads.  (Of course, he was a hyper-smart Jewish boy from New York City and Fordham Law who left the FDIC to get rich at a large very well-known national law firm where he helped the biggest banks flout the law he wrote.)

I also had a client who is an MD/Ph.D. professor at one of our local medical schools.  She said that the people at the medical school pointedly refused to address her as "doctor" when they found out she had a Ph.D. -- she actually had to tell them that she was also an MD to get them to use her title. I called her "Doctor Doctor" to her amusement. 

My brother-in-law received his Ph.D. from L.S.U. and teaches philosophy at UT-Arlington.  He says he doesn't like to be called "Dr. Baker" because people keep describing their symptoms and want him to tell them how to treat their ailments. 

 


12/14/20 09:17 PM #19641    

 

Steve Keene

Bob D.

You just think you have a nomenclature problem. I only got a Bachelor of Science in Petroleum Engineering  with Tar Clusters.  I am also the ex husband of two dead ex wives and have not remarried.  Does all that make me Bachelor Steve?  Lance has made it clear he would rather call B.S. on me.


12/15/20 07:39 AM #19642    

 

David Cordell

Bob,

As I understand it Jill Biden's degree, it is an EdD in educational leadership. Some school principals pursue a degree like that to further their careers, potentially leading to superintendent positions. Some assistant principals, too. Same thing goes for people in low or mid-level administrative positions in colleges. They know they can't move up without a doctorate. EdD makes more sense for someone who will be in administration -- much easier path, typically part-time while still working, with courses that are relevant to their managerial aspirations.

Regarding your "Doctor Doctor", I think there are areas of medical research in which PhDs are deemed more competent than MDs because of their courses of study and career predilection toward research.

Separately --

I wouldn't normally post pornography, but seeing Cuomo glom onto the first COVID vaccine is an exception. This is the guy who said NY wouldn't use the vaccine until his own people researched it because he didn't trust Trump.




12/15/20 07:44 AM #19643    

 

David Cordell

Steve, I loved "with tar clusters."


12/15/20 08:48 AM #19644    

 

Lowell Tuttle

Back in the day when Chinese were flocking here for advanced education, I had some rather poor driver's as clients from China who were at Ut and Baylor in H  town to get Doctorates  in medicine.   I inquired the difference and I think the response was about $50,000 difference between becoming a physician and getting a phd in medicine.


12/15/20 09:57 AM #19645    

 

David Cordell

Lowell, the good news for PhD students is that they generally have some sort of research or teaching assistantship which not only generates income, but often qualifies for dramatically reduced tuition. So, my Indian TA pays in-state tuition instead of out-of-state. Big, big difference.

Anyway, a PhD is a research degree. An MD is not. The PhD is trained for all-research-all-the-time. MDs are trained to heal people. 

Of course, my comments about PhDs relates to the areas within science, not someone like me who just wanders the halls, trying to remember where the coffee machine is.

 


12/15/20 10:24 AM #19646    

 

Steve Keene

Lowell and David,

During many of the past few years the starting salary for a B.S. in Petroleum Engineering exceeded the starting salary for PHD's in medicine.

Lowell,

I found this meme particularly amusing.


12/15/20 11:13 AM #19647    

 

Steve Keene

Bob D.,


12/15/20 12:18 PM #19648    

 

Bob Davidson

Steve - I don't blame your friend a bit.  My poor dad probably voted Democrat, too, even though he was a lifelong conservative Republican.  My mom doesn't think she voted, but she lives in an assisted living community so she probably voted for them, too.

My doctor clients still make much better than average money, but find that nurse practicioners and others with much less education and training can end up making a lot more.  The docs also have seen their incomes shrink drastically over the years as insurance and government pay them less and less while their overhead skyrockets and their autonomy shrinks.  The trend seems to be they leave private practices and go to work for a corporation that contracts medical services.  They do make less than many people in the energy industry, but have more job stability.  My office is in the east side of Houston, which is full of skilled blue collar technicians who make well over $200,000 a year without going to college, including some in their twenties.

A couple of years ago I had divorces going at the same time where one husband was the divisional vice president of a large energy company and the other, a second tier administrator in one of our local community college systems.  They both did well financially, but the vice chancellor made almost $100,000 more salary than the v.p. and worked about half as much.  The administrator had a generous defined benefit pension plan in addition to his 403b but didn't get stock options or profitability bonuses so things about evened out.  The calibre of the guys was in no way comparable:  the v.p. was worth admiring; the v.c. yet another bureaucratic hack.

David -- I think the medical school people are protecting their prestige as medical doctors, not reflecting the value or knowledge of the people involved.

Since Joe Biden went to law school and managed to squeak through, is it required to use "esquire" after his name?

In Kurt Schlechter's Kelly Turnbull series of novels about America splitting into Red and Blue countries, one of the many comic aspects is the People's Republic renaming public monuments for liberal icons:  Fort Dukakis army base, the former state of Washington becoming "Biden", Maxine Waters Stadium, Harry Reid Airport, etc.  Dallas is the capital city of the new United States -- the Blues keep the current capital but can't decide what to call it.  When the spilt happened there was a massive population exchange -- caravans of loaded Priuses and Volvos heading out of Texas and pickup trucks and suvs heading here. A scene in the latest one, Crisis, which I read this weekend, that made me laugh is right before the split when Pelosi invites Antifa into the U.S. Capitol to intimidate the Republicans, who, to everyone's shock, fight back -- Rand Paul has been taking judo lessons after being roughed up at the Trump rally so he lays into them; Lindsey Graham gets rough, too -- he scratches the eyes out of two of them.

 


12/15/20 12:36 PM #19649    

 

Bob Davidson

Lowell -- or anyone else knowledgable about such things -- in a mortgage with an escrow account paying the property insurance, if the borrower switches insurance companies and has a lower premium, how would she get a refund check in her name from the former insurer?  Since the mortage company paid the premium, shouldn't any refund be to the escrow account, not the individual?  Am I missing something here?  What is the usual practice?


12/15/20 01:53 PM #19650    

 

Lowell Tuttle

Bob, premium refunds go back to the insured.   It is up to the insured to fund the return back to the escrow account.   So, you are correct, the monthly payments would go up....and then again...up when escrow analysis happens.

I have had carriers back date cancellations two years when the mortgagee finally realizes it was his doulbe insurance that was causing his house payments to go up.   He never cancelled the old policy when he replaced it with a lower cost new one.  Mortgage comopanies will often pay both renewals.

Moral of he story is I advise NOT escrowing insurance.  Taxes, ok.  Prefer not insurance.  That;s coming from an independent's angle.   So I can switch you if it saves $$ and not too complicated.

One more item.   If hazard insurance is cancelled or is non renewed and the insured/mortgagee does nothing, the mortgage company has to "force place" coverage to protect the investors (lenders.)  I have seen very very bad forced placed policies and I have seen very very good force place policies.   Mortgage companies have "arrangements" with "autoplace" programs.  Sometimies those policies are broader in coverage and lower in cost than usually available in the marketplace.  However, I haven't seen results of claims on those types of policies.  Main thing is "who" is the named insured on that type coverage.

Two more things on Homeowners/hazar insurance

If home rented, be sure to get different type of policy, not homeowners...fire insurance.   Or have the policy endorsed for being rented.

If the home is vacant, be sure to let the insurance carrier know.  There is an exclusion for claims on vacant homes.   (definition of vacant favors insurance companies in court.)

 


12/15/20 03:29 PM #19651    

 

Janalu Jeanes (Parchman)

Isn't the argument FOR the Electoral College continuing as is.....shall be, as we have witnessed, that currently, the west coast and the densely populated northeast of our country, might as well be/or could be, the determining factors for the total vote count to pick the president, simply because they have so many people living in their areas, whereas the rest of the country would be left out in the determination of the president, since these less populated areas would not generate as many total votes as those heavily populated areas.  In other words, the WHOLE center part of our country would ultimately be LEFT OUT of the voting process, and would HAVE NO SAY in who our president would be, which WOULD NOT BE FAIR AT ALL!  The WHOLE area of our 'inner' US SHOULD ABSOLUTELY have a say in who our president will be/should be!!  It is insane, in my opinion, to tell the whole area of the middle part of our country that ONLY the west coast and the northeast will be electing our presidents, and that the rest of the country can essentially "Go To Hell!"  How can any American say, "Well, that's just too bad, you losers of the main body of our United States?  YOU DON"T COUNT?!" 

 Our Founders understood that this might very well happen (and it did!) so they instead formed THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE, allowing for ALL STATES to HAVE A SAY IN WHO THE PRESIDENT OF OUR UNITED STATES WOULD BE!!!  

Good for our Founders!  They were MUCH smarter than we are currently!!!!

And as for YOU FOLKS who want our Constitution to be re-written, well In MY opinion, "YOU FOLKS CAN BE THE ONES TO "GO TO HELL!!!"  Leave our Constitution alone!  If YOU FOLKS OF ANOTHER MIND are SO disenchanted with the way our United States operates, then, please, for God's sake, move to the country you think is better, and leave the rest of us alone!  The rest of us are happy to have what we have!!!  And VERY grateful for what our Founders created!!!!!!!

 

Addendum:  I'm of cooler mind now, after speaking with heated voice above, and I apologize for using harsh words.  I'm extremely irritated with what our nation has experienced in the last few weeks, knowing that all of this negativeness was unnecessary, had operations run smoothly as they should have, and I get immensely angered when citizens of the US say that we don't need the Electoral College anymore.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  We have the EC for a definite purpose!  It has worked very well throughout all of our years.  Now, all of a sudden, there are many who question it, owing to their desire for more power, in my opinion, and less power of the people.

I don't want anyone to go to Hell.  Honestly, I don't.

Oh, and one other little observation, if I may.  What the Republicans have wanted in the last few contentious weeks, is that "all legal votes be counted," in the recent election.  But since we don't truly know what votes were counted (73million people believe that unverified votes were counted and mingled, that were not LEGAL votes, but rather were a mix of suspicious votes being thrust into the tallying machines.)  There has been NO desire from Republicans all over our country witnessing the brouhaha, for the election to be overturned----just tallied in an honest manner.  But there is no way to check that all out now, unless the machines are examined fully, which of course, we doubt will ever happen......Why did the unexplained "BIG PAUSE" happen on election night?  There was no need for that pause at all.  Counting should have continued through the night.....There was a reason for that pause!!  No one has explained it, and probably never will....That pause is the key, we suspect, to determining the truth of the election.  Will we ever know the truth?  


12/15/20 05:27 PM #19652    

 

Janalu Jeanes (Parchman)

David,

 How's little Becky doing lately?  No more seizures, I hope!  Is she a Scottie?

She's a cutey, but I'm concerned about her name, being that it is what I think of as is a human name.  Don't you think she needs a doggie name!   'Fifi' is a French name I associate with a poodle, usually, and 'Buster' is a name I associate with a bully dog---maybe a Pitbull-type, but Becky----I don't know.  A Scottie could be 'Lassie,' but then we Americans immediately think of a pretty Collie when we hear that name, so something else, perhaps.  Where does Haggis come from?  Isn't that some flavorful stuff the British and Scottish eat?  What else from Scotland; whiskey and spirits to 'wet the whistle'.....what else.....shamrocks & llttle people--no that's Ireland....hm-m-m-m-m..

I'll have to ponder this a bit.......  

We adopted a year old tabby cat from our local pet shelter, and his name, the staff told us, was 'Beanie.'  'Beanie!, we exclaimed, was NOT the name this handsome cat should have, so our daughter renamed him, 'Romeow!'

We thought THAT was much better, and he DID turn out to be a lothorio, of sorts, and a wanderer!


12/15/20 06:32 PM #19653    

 

Bob Davidson

Lowell -- thank you.

Janalou --  The electoral college serves two gigantic functions that make our system of government different from and freer than most democratic republican forms of government.

The first is that it reflects our federal system.  The US was founded as a union of states.  By having each state vote separately, the college reinforces the idea that each state has the right to determine matters of government in its own way.  Remember that the Constitution provides that every governmental power not expressly given to the central government is reserved for the states.  That's why we have such different state laws.  In law school, the professors would talk about the majority rule (what most states do), and various minority rules (what other do) and the Lousiana rule (since they are generally unique -- their legal system is based on French law rather than English common law or like Texas, a mixture of Spanish, Mexican and English law). 

The other function is the one you mention: to prevent the larger population centers from running roughshod over the less-populated areas, i.e., to help ensure georgraphic diversity.  People in different areas of the country have very different economic, social, and cultural interests that a free people would respect and help thrive -- in other words, actual diversity.  (As opposed to the progressive use of  "diversity" where it means what people look like and how much attachment they can claim to officially recognized victim groups, not actual differences in people's thoughts, outlook, beliefs, and way of life other than the sexual -- the same word with a very different meaning.)

Both of these functions of the Electorial College are to provide more liberty to the people through decentralized authority.  Local government is almost always going to be much more responsive to the needs of the residents than a centralized system -- they are dealing with their friends and neighbors, not people a thousand miles away.  If you look at the past fifty or hundred years of popular culture, you see an intensive propaganda effort to show large centralized power centers as benign and local areas as benighted hicks oppressing everyone in the vicinity until the G-men or U.S. Marshalls or special government agents come in to clean things up and protect the locals from the mean local bosses who have been tyrannizing them. 

Eliminating the Electorial College is like imposing socialism -- a way for the national ruling elite to centralize the government even more to increase their power over the rest of us.  It's why villians like Hillary and Pelosi and the Democratic governors and Beto and the billionaires and the corporate executive class want to destroy the system we have today. 

When the central government has increased its powers we've lost liberty:  look at Woodrow Wilson destroying the post-Civil War Constitutional Amendments with his imposing racial segregation on the federal workforce and government institutions, destroying the Fourth Amendment with the Palmer Raids and the emergency arrests and deportations of the old time Reds, FDR's New Deal measures that prolonged the misery of the Depression by taking away people's economic freedom, LBJ's destruction of the black family with his Great Society welfare programs that made people better off without the father in the house (the statistics on out of wedlock black babies are amazing -- in the early 50s, they had a higher rate of babies within marriage than whites, by the 70s the traditional black family as such mostly disappeared, etc.).

 


12/15/20 08:51 PM #19654    

 

Janalu Jeanes (Parchman)

"Bob D.,

"I like the way you talk..." (a prominent line spoken in SLING BLADE; the movie.)  Did you see that one?  It is one of my favorites, although hard to view, at times.....

It is very interesting to me to hear how you explain the 'socialism creep' that the Democrat Party is allowing to enter these United States!  Please keep us informed!!

We need to hear it often.  Your knowledge of our laws is SO important to us at this perilous time.  We desire clarity.


12/15/20 10:25 PM #19655    

 

Lowell Tuttle

Of course, to the world of our founding fathers, The United States was a new unheard of form of government.

There was no socialism.  I don't even know if there was the concept of socialism at that time, or at least outside of academia there wasn't.

There was only dictatorial facism with colonialism.   So called Divine right

Now that I think about it, perhaps the inclusion of stuff like swearing before God and Under God were merely compromises to get a new form of government acceptable to a rather Puritanistic culture.

So, their "intent" with having the electoral systesm was merely to give an equal type footing to colonies other than Virginia, New Yor,  and Massachucetts (perhaps Pennsylvania.)  Those were the socalled overly populous regions.   They had to allow for the lesser states to get a Union and radification of sorts.


12/16/20 06:34 AM #19656    

 

Steve Keene

Janalu,

A Billy Bob Thornton loosed among the liberals once they have gone a step too far, might be what we need.  In the meantime could you make me some "mustard and biscuits, um ...hum."
 


12/16/20 11:11 AM #19657    

 

Janalu Jeanes (Parchman)

Steve,

I couldn't agree more.  In the meantime, biscuits and mustard might be just what we need to easy the sting of reality these days, although I really prefer biscuits, butter and honey.  But anyway, biscuits and mustard for you and Billy Bob will be what I'll gladly provide for you two anytime, anywhere, um...hmm........

I was just reading in today's WND report, that "America likely will get taken to the cleaners by China under a 'feeble Biden' administration, according to six security experts who shared their concerns with THE FEDERALIST."

Continuing, it is stated, Biden is fundamentally cautious, "but he gets pushed over" because "he is also a feeble senile personality," charged Sumantra Maitre, a doctoral researcher at the University of Nottingham and senior contributor to THE FEDERALIST.  Maitre identified two issues.  The first is that "idealistic fanatics, like Susan Rice," will push him into postitions with China, which is the 'greatest challenge' for America.  Second is whether Europe pays its fair share and stops 'free-riding' Maitre added.

"The European Union is turning into an empire, and if they side with China, game over." 

Regarding China, Biden stated: "China is going to eat our lunch?  Come on, man....I mean, you know, they're not bad folks, folks!  But guess what?  They're not competition for us."

China expert and Stanford Professor Gordon Chang said the "worst thing that can result from Biden's China policy is a global war." 

 "Biden?  They are not scared of him, as they were of Trump during Trump's administration.  They will once again control outcomes at the highest levels in Washington."

 


12/16/20 12:17 PM #19658    

 

Wayne Gary

Hollis,

Today while talking to a friend, she mentioned she was 76 this briought to mind "76 Trumbones" song. Then I rembered it as being the Lamplighter School school song.  Do you remember it?


12/16/20 04:43 PM #19659    

 

Steve Keene

Wayne,

That was from the musical, Music Man, starring Robert Preston in 1962.  My other favorite song in the musical was " Ya GotTrouble".  Lyrics went "We've got trouble, right here in River City.  With a Capital "B". and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Pool."

I have a soft recommendation for a New Year's Resolution for Hollis.

 


12/16/20 07:52 PM #19660    

 

Wayne Gary

Steve,

Did you waste too much of your youth playing pool?


12/16/20 10:04 PM #19661    

 

David Cordell

Janalu,

Becky hasn't had a seizure in three months, but she did throw up today -- in a spot in our bedroom that she has graced before. We didn't name her Becky. That was the name she had at the animal shelter, and we thought it fit her.

All,

I think The Music Man was the first musical I ever saw in person. Forrest Tucker as Professor Harold Hill at the State Fair Music Hall. But if you're going to mention songs from the show, how could you overlook the song that this group covered??




12/16/20 10:14 PM #19662    

 

David Cordell

Did you know that Cary Grant turned down the Harold Hill role in the movie? He had seen the show on Broadway and told the movie producer that no one but Robert Preston should play the part, and that he wouldn't even go to see the movie if Robert Preston wasn't in it. Meanwhile .....

WHY WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD. Read with Rodney's "voice".

 

      With my old man I got no  respect. I asked him, "How  can I get my kite in the air?"  He told me to run  off a cliff.

      I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

      It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

      Last night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

      A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I  went over. Nobody was home!

      A hooker once told me she had a headache.

      I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

      My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

      I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

      The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging past my house, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

      My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

      I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
    

My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.

      My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

      My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

      It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
 I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

      I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

      I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

      I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

      I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born

      I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

      Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He
 said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

      My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday

      I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He
 said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

      One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.

      My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

      THAT'S WHY WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD   !


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